Home Is Where Birth Is

I was twenty-five years old and expecting my first child with limited knowledge on “what’s next”. As with most future moms, I made my first appointment with my OBGYN, and it was an experience I shall never forget. From sitting in the cold waiting room, being interrogated with what felt to be a million questions, the lack of care for my responses, and the overall uncomfortable feeling. Although my feelings were unsettling, I knew no other path towards motherhood, I was not a “rule breaker” or someone who pushes against society at that time. After only a 15-minute appointment, I left the office with my next appointment scheduled four weeks out.

The stomach flu left me bedridden for several days where Netflix and documentaries kept me company. One came across as recommended called “The Business of Being Born” and with excitement, I watched. This documentary opened my eyes to exactly what the title entails – the business of childbirth. I knew I did not want to be a part of that machine. I did not want to have a baby in the hospital. Now, with my mind racing, I started conducting intense research on my options. Midwifery held my interest from first look as the process seems more intimate and inclusive rather than a model of business.

My first appointment with SoulShine Midwifery, I felt relieved and wholeheartedly knew that homebirth was the path for my family. The appointment left me feeling in control, feeling informed, feeling valued, and feeling cared for. Throughout the process of my child’s birth, this did not change once. The care and attention were priceless. The ability to give birth in my home kept stress levels minimal. Having the people of my choosing present, meant the world to me.

The time came for my first child’s birth, and it was a doozy with 23 hours and 58 minutes of labor. In retrospect, it was delightful compared to the horror stories I would later hear from friends and witness as a doula. I was not rushed, I was not confined to a bed, I was not pressured to take an epidural, and I was not poked or prodded in any way. I was beyond thankful that I retained my freedom to move, eat, sleep, walk, and do anything I wanted to do. After laboring in a birth tub, I felt the urge to bear down. I removed myself from the tub and sat on the toilet for a few minutes, had a few contractions, and a crest of my baby’s head was there. My midwife and husband helped me back to the warm tub where a few moments later my husband helped catch our baby and announced the gender – girl. It was an unforgettable moment. My first daughter was a healthy 8 pounds, 9 ounces.

Shortly after our daughter was born, I had to get out of the water because my placenta was not coming out and it is difficult to tell how much you are bleeding in water. We moved to my bedroom where I remained in a complete oxytocin bubble and in pure bliss. There was never a concern from me that things were out of control, or regret that I was not in the hospital. The midwife kept a keen eye on me the whole night and even when I lost consciousness momentarily, she was prepared. My husband remained calm and told me the situation was not cause for worry as he saw the professional in the midwife. Ultimately, my placenta was delivered and the bleeding stopped. I had lost more blood than was desired but, recovered quickly, and my midwife stayed the night to ensure my health and welfare.

Flash forward nearly two years and I would be preparing to give birth again. This time I was able to have discussions with my midwife and balance the likelihood of a retained placenta and bleeding once again. Needless to say, my confidence in her skills and abilities remained high as I chose to once again have a home birth. This labor was completely different and lasted only 2 hours. This little boy was determined to join us in this world so quickly we never had time to prepare the tub. Everything was fast paced and when the bleeding came, we had a plan. The paramedics were on standby and when we thought we might use them, the placenta detached, and bleeding stopped. Once again, a prepared environment leading to a worry-free experience. My first son was a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces.

Six months later I discovered I was pregnant once again and would be blessed with a fourth baby which I assumed would go similar to my third. One could not be more wrong. The labor and delivery were absolutely flawless and this time, I decided to catch the baby – my baby girl. I was on cloud nine; however, my midwife noticed the water getting darker and told me to get out of the water. This girl was 11 pounds, 12 ounces and the placenta did not want to detach. My midwife performed her role flawlessly but despite all her efforts a transfer to the hospital was needed.

Arrival at the hospital was interesting to say the least. It was 2020 and the COVID-19 pandemic was in full throttle. Although actively bleeding and having no symptoms of being ill, it was question after question about who I have been in contact with, insurance verification, and requirements to get swabbed for COVID. The OBGYN on call attempted to do a manual extraction (pull out) my placenta to no success. She decided I would need to be taken to the operating room for surgical removal. The hospital staff began to prepare me for surgery and the anesthesiologist came to ask me more questions and shamed me for choosing a homebirth. I could feel the blood pooling under my bottom and they were more concerned COVID and questioning my choices than caring for the condition I was there for. It wasn’t until my blood pressure dropped to dangerous levels that they rushed me back to the OR.

The last thing I remembered hearing was that they couldn't find any blood for me. Luckily once placed under anesthesia, my placenta detached without intervention and my bleeding stopped immediately. No surgery occurred. The hospital was unable to get blood for me until I had been back in my room for about thirty minutes. At each step of this hospital journey, I felt policy triumphed over my health and welfare. I was told my baby could not join me in the hospital because she wasn't born there. That was the straw that broke me. I signed an AMA statement and went home to my loving family.

Despite all I went through with my last child, if I were to have another baby, home birth would be the only path for me. After my first child I decided that I wanted to be involved in helping women become mothers through birth work. I became a birth and postpartum doula, lactation consultant, placenta encapsulater and birth photographer. I have worked with mothers taking care of them before, during and after childbirth for ten years now. You can imagine that I have heard and also witnessed just about all that can go right and wrong in the journey to meeting your baby both in and out of the hospital. I encourage each mother-to-be and family to perform research, take opinions, and get involved in your own care. You only get to meet your baby for the first time once. That experience can be cold and business oriented placing policy above all else or it can be personal, supported and empowering where you get to take back control of what your body was designed to do as a woman.(Without algorithms, community standards, or sensitive content warnings getting in your way!)

The benefits and opportunities to contribute are growing and limitless. The mission is to be the village for the villagers and to fill the gaps for one another, supporting the global collective of those we serve.

If you are an expecting or new mom reading this, please share the name Perinatal Resource Collaborative with anyone who supports you during your perinatal period so they can also be supported and have opportunities to share their stories and expertise in various ways.

Together, we thrive and rise—it is a village circle.

Sarah Zadoyko-Bartee

The Mamma Warrior USA

Birth Photographer, Full Spectrum Doula, CLC, Placenta Encapsulator

New Jersey Based

@themammawarrior