Giving Grace

In today’s fast paced world we all have a list of To-Do’s that can sometimes feel like it is a mile long. In addition to your regular routine there are more appointments with your Midwife/OB, celebrations & showers, often extra family time, all added into what can already feel like a busy schedule. However, during pregnancy we need to honor our body’s need for pause. You are expending calories creating a nervous system, using up energy to create a skeleton, building a brain, and that is all while you go about your daily life.

Working out, getting in positive movement like walking, adding squats into your routine is great advice that doulas love to give their clients. These can absolutely help with a more positive birth experience. But it is crucial to find a balance between adding one more thing to our daily checklist and honoring our body’s need to rest, relax, and digest.

Our parasympathetic nervous system is a bundle of nerves that connect many aspects of our body including our brain to our senses, the vagus nerve to our digestive system, your lower spinal column to your bladder and bowels. Our parasympathetic system is a wide-reaching network whose sole purpose is to help our body to relax after times of stress. IF our bodies know that rest is so important it has an entire system for that sole purpose then we should find more time to honor the need without seeing it as being lazy or shameful.

Common pregnancy complaints that sometimes overlook our need to rest can include:

-Constipation

-Difficulty sleeping or falling to sleep

-Digestive issues

-Increased urination

-Swelling feet

-Braxton-Hicks contractions

-Round ligament pain

-Nausea

-Emotional outbursts

-Dizziness

-Blood sugar fluctuations

I ask, how many times have you heard people make a New Years resolution to start a new workout routine or diet? But how many times have you heard someone say that they plan to take a nap if/when they are tired? Our society respects hustle culture, they respect and hold “hard workers” in high esteem. Pregnant women ARE VERY HARD WORKING without even accomplishing anything else that day. But they still get up and put in a full day’s work, still tend to their family’s needs, still manage a household and make sure that there is food in bellies-clean pajamas-bed time stories read.

Giving ourselves grace has a huge impact on our body and our stress response. It can simply be dismissing the guilt that comes from making a mistake and not allowing yourself to overthink the situation. It can be sitting down and putting your feet up for 5 minutes if you feel exhausted making dinner, people will still eat-just a couple minutes later than expected. It could be saying no to more events & activities because taking an afternoon nap sounds much more enjoyable. It could be asking for more help/assistance to accomplish things through the day. Forgiving ourselves for not wanting to or being able to keep up with hustle culture while pregnant is just the start of allowing ourselves to put our needs to the forefront. This will help to make rest & relaxation a priority that is just as important as moving your body, eating a lot of nourishing and nutrient dense foods, getting the laundry done, working your 9-5, etc.

If a nap is not always possible consider some of the following to help your parasympathetic system reset and increase your ability to return to a rested place:

-ALWAYS my favorite, sit down with your feet up (very important part) and drink a glass of water. Allow yourself to get up once the water is finished, but it is also ok to stay sitting for a couple of or 20 minutes.

-Put on your favorite song and hum or sing as aggressively and loudly as you can permit yourself. This is a favorite of mine when stuck in traffic or trying to get myself hyped up to do something I do not want to do such as public speaking.

-Find a guided meditation that you enjoy and play it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT at the same volume right before bed or as you fall asleep. We can intentionally create our own Pavlov conditioning where your brain hears the meditation and starts to shift into a sleep pattern just from hearing the same track.

-Set a timer for 20 minutes and allow yourself to read the silliest guilty-pleasure junk food novel you can find, even better if it is silly enough to make you giggle and hide the book when not reading because you would never admit to enjoying the Hockey Romance genre.

-Get more beach time, walking barefoot on the sand helps to ground your body while the negative ions in the air have a calming effect on our body. It is not just play time-going to the beach is healing for our body.

-Search out and save in a specific folder the funniest comedy shorts/reelz that you can find. Open the folder and let them play on repeat when you are having a bad day. I like to challenge myself to some deep breathing while I watch, if I laugh while deep breathing then the video has done it’s job.

Find your own ways to decompress and calm your system. By doing them often during pregnancy your brain will have a muscle memory reflex and you will find yourself responding & relaxing faster the more your practice. Yes, PRACTICE NAPPING. Practice putting your feet up and taking time to just drink a glass of water. Practice making rest & relaxation a priority that is as valuable as movement & nourishment. Practice giving yourself the grace to listen to your body’s needs & respond without guilt of shame. 💜

Doula Shea